As a former middle grades teacher, my students were funny and clever. Usually on my lowest days, they never failed to bring a smile to my face. However, amid the joy in my eighth grade math classroom, there were moments when my students said things that caught me off guard and forced me to stifle my laughter, albeit reluctantly.
These Reddit teachers share the same sentiments in this well-loved thread.
“I worked watching kids at recess and had a kindergartner come up and tell me that Johnny said the c-word.”
“I was extremely concerned because omg how did they even learn that word? Crap. The c-word was crap. …” —melodymoods
“I actually didn’t punish this kid, though I was supposed to, but I couldn’t stop laughing.”
“So, whenever my high schoolers whine about something, I say, ‘Into every life a little rain must fall …,’ which is my polite (and deliberately annoying) way of saying suck it up. By the end of the year, they’re so used to it that all I have to do is say ‘Into every life …’ and they roll their eyes and grumble, but at least they stop complaining.”
“Well, one day a kid comes into my room and he’s already complaining about something that hasn’t even happened yet. So I say ‘Into every life …’ And he says ‘A little rain must fall, I know. But Mrs Dannicalliope, it’s a f****ng thunderstorm right now.’” —dannicalliope
“My fiancé is a really great teacher but was having trouble with this one class.”
“One of the students asked her, ‘Mrs Teacher, do you have any kids?’”
“Fiancé: ‘Oh God no!’
“Kid: ‘That might be for the best.’” —timidtiger64
“I was teaching nutrition and garden education to second graders.”
“Really sick, all hopped up on cold medicine on a rainy day, and discussing our agrarian community.”
“Me: ‘Does anyone know any farmers?’”
“Kid: ‘Yeah, my uncle is a farmer!’”
“Me: ‘Nice! What does he farm?’”
“Kid: ‘Pot.’”
“Me: (slowly blinks)”
“Class: (giggles)”
“Me: ‘OK, we’re talkin’ fruits and vegetables here, people! Does anyone else know a farmer? How about Farmer John? Do you guys know Farmer John, with the pumpkins??’ (babbling continues)” —pacifikate10
“I teach pre-K.”
“The kids were out at recess and one was riding a bike wearing his helmet, as he should. One of my girls walked by and hit him over the head with our plastic baseball bat. I asked her why she did that. She replied ‘Eh, he has a helmet on.’ I had to turn away and snort before telling her it wasn’t OK to hit anyone, even if they have a helmet.” —FaceofBeaux
“I teach Hebrew to kids, and they were practicing writing their names.”
“One of the kids was named David, which looks like this in Hebrew: דוד”
“One of David’s classmates looked over his shoulder and yelled, ‘Hey David, your name is TIT!’”
“Because it’s read right to left and because I’ve seen those letters and that name a million times, I never would have seen that. But as soon as he said it, I realized he’s 100% right, it looks like it says tit. Cracked me up. Not appropriate for class though.” —zebrafish
“Teaching first grade and a kid came up to me and said ‘Miss, E just said something bad.’”
“So I walk over to E and ask if he said something inappropriate. He shrugs, looks sheepish, and says ‘I said cows have big boobies.’ I literally paused with my mouth open, was not expecting that one.” —Caouenn
“Last week, I jokingly told one of my grade 8 students that he better behave because Santa was watching.”
“He strolled away saying nonchalantly, ‘Santa, my ass …’ I cracked up. —maudie_anglais
“An eighth grade student once told me ‘you look like the kind of girl who’d be friends with the lunch ladies.’”
“My 10-year-old son was hit in the face by a girl.”
“Instead of physical retaliation (boys don’t hit girls), he asked her if she ‘scraped her knees when she crawled out of Hell.’ Hard to keep a straight face in that parent-teacher meeting!”
“In sixth grade I remember one of my classmates getting annoyed that our teacher was handing out papers with a new assignment on them.”
“When she got to him he said, ‘Don’t give me that sheet!’ Everyone lost it including the teacher, but he still got detention for it.” —lee7890
“My fiancée is a teacher and one of her students yelled halfway through a lesson ‘THIS IS BORING!’”
“She had to punish him but agreed that it was a boring lesson.” —BookerCatchansSTD
“Several years ago, one of my students asked to go to the bathroom …”
“I let him go, and he returned to class about 20 minutes later with a McDonald’s meal. In front of everyone, I asked him why he thought it was OK to lie about going to the bathroom. He replied, ‘I didn’t tell you which bathroom …’ Touché.” —edietel
Despite the need to maintain a professional demeanor and occasionally administer discipline, the funny remarks and witty banter of students bring immense joy to our classrooms. It’s heartwarming to know educators around the world share these amusing encounters. Remember, even in the midst of discipline, there’s always room for laughter in the classroom!
