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The beginners guide to one liners – TWO


A free introduction to the best one liners @motivatememarcus
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ONE-LINER OF ALL TIME? Comment and share your thoughts

A one-liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. A good one-liner is said to be pithy – concise and meaningful. Comedians and actors use this comedic method as part of their act, e.g. Jimmy Carr, Tommy Cooper, Rodney Dangerfield, Norm Macdonald, Ken Dodd, Stewart Francis, Zach Galifianakis, Mitch Hedberg, Anthony Jeselnik, Milton Jones, Shaparak Khorsandi, Jay London, Mark Linn-Baker, Demetri Martin, Groucho Marx, Gary Delaney, Emo Philips, Tim Vine, Steven Wright, Gilbert Gottfried, Mike Bocchetti, and Henny Youngman.

Many fictional characters are also known to deliver one-liners, including James Bond, who usually includes pithy and laconic quips after disposing of a villain.

Examples of famous one liners
“Never read a pop-up book about giraffes.” (Sean Lock)
“Throwing acid is wrong. In some people’s eyes.” (Jimmy Carr)
“My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person – so I can get a better girlfriend.” (Anthony Jeselnik)
“Cricket. No matter who wins, both teams, and all the fans, are losers.” (Frankie Boyle)
“If life were easy, it wouldn’t be difficult.” (Kermit the Frog)
“An escalator cannot break, it can only become stairs.” (Mitch Hedberg)
“My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave.” (Burt Reynolds)
“I’m on a whiskey diet… I’ve lost three days already.” (Tommy Cooper)
“What Iran needs now is a more modern leader—a mullah lite.” (Shappi Khorsandi)
“I have nothing to declare except my genius.” (Oscar Wilde, upon arriving at US customs, 1882)
“Take my wife … please.” (Henny Youngman)
“They hired a 3-piece band that was so lousy, every time the waiter dropped a tray, we all got up and danced!” (Les Dawson)
“What a magnificent show this is going to be when it starts!” (Ken Dodd)
“I have a girlfriend! I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for… sex!” (Stewart Francis)
“I have an L-shaped sofa… Lowercase.” (Demetri Martin)
“Crime in multi-story car parks is wrong on so many different levels.” (Tim Vine)
“My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore.” (Milton Jones)
“In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit.” (Gary Delaney)
“I collect books on minimalism.” (Brian Lister)

A link between laughter and healthy function of blood vessels was first reported in 2005 by researchers at the University of Maryland Medical Center with the fact that laughter causes the dilatation of the inner lining of blood vessels, the endothelium, and increases blood flow. Drs. Michael Miller (University of Maryland) and William Fry (Stanford) theorize that beta-endorphin-like compounds released by the hypothalamus activate receptors on the endothelial surface to release nitric oxide, thereby resulting in dilation of vessels. Other cardioprotective properties of nitric oxide include reduction of inflammation and decreased platelet aggregation.

Laughter has various proven beneficial biochemical effects. It has been shown to lead to reductions in stress hormones such as cortisol and epinephrine. When laughing, the brain releases endorphins that can relieve some physical pain. Laughter also boosts the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T-cells, leading to a stronger immune system. A 2000 study found that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh and be able to recognize humor in a variety of situations, compared to people of the same age without heart disease.

Anecdotally, journalist and author Norman Cousins developed in 1964 a treatment program for his ankylosing spondylitis and collagen disease consisting of large doses of Vitamin C alongside laughter induced by comic films, including those of the Marx Brothers. “I made the joyous discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep,” he reported. “When the pain-killing effect of the laughter wore off, we would switch on the motion picture projector again and not infrequently, it would lead to another pain-free interval.”
#shorts #funny #funnyshorts #comedy #standupcomedy #motivation #inspiration #mitchhedberg


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