The past few years have been filled with changes. And amidst all the chaos, our relationships — from flings to “forever afters” — and the sex tech industry have taken some unexpected turns that few of us could have predicted (except maybe The Simpsons).
Now that we’ve (mostly) navigated the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic and found our footing in this “new normal,” we’re all looking toward the future and what it could mean for our relationships with ourselves and others.
Thus, luxe sex toy brand LELO asked futurist Tom Cheesewright and LELO’s sex expert and certified therapist Kate Moyle to help create a fresh report on the future of sex and relationships. In May, they released “A Futurist View into the Future of Love, Sex, and Relationships: LELO Report on Trends in the Following Decade.” The title is pretty long-winded, but the 15-page report offers a glimpse into how technology is reshaping the way we connect, experience intimacy, and find pleasure both emotionally and physically.
A futurist’s sexy prediction approach
To create this report, Cheesewright used “Scenario Planning” — a methodology where current trends are identified and projected into the future, typically over a long time horizon (in this case, 50 years). This establishes a “baseline scenario” where these trends continue, though not necessarily at the same pace or intensity.
He then “bent” this baseline into three directions to see how sex might look under each possible scenario:
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Digital unbound: This imagines a world where we spend 10 hours a day in “mixed reality,” where AI avatars are “near indistinguishable” from our friends and family. While this offers new ways to experience “connection,” it raises concerns about loneliness, isolation, and the potential for extreme fantasy roleplay.
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Natural forces: This looks at a future in which a backlash against technology leads to a renewed focus on real-world, flesh-and-blood relationships — where empathy, authenticity, and personalized handmade goods are valued more highly.
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Resurgent traditionalism: This considers a future where societal anxieties and political shifts lead to a return to traditional gender roles and relationship structures. This could manifest as a “false nostalgia” for the past, with government incentives encouraging people to commit to long-term, monogamous relationships and start families.
“I tried to imagine the answer to the questions posed to me by LELO under these [three] scenarios, then aggregated the answers to try to find some probabilities that were the most interesting to explore,” Cheesewright explains.
What does the future hold for sex and relationships?
Before I go into the specifics, I want to note that I reached out to a few experts on my own to see if they had any thoughts to add to the conversation. It led to a thought-provoking discussion that one could argue is never-ending.
Here’s what the LELO report envisions for the future of sex and relationships and what the experts I spoke with had to say:
We’ll have more partners, but not at the same age as the generations before us
According to the report (page six), today’s youngest sexually-active generation is having less sex and fewer partners. But Cheesewright and LELO predict that we’ll be more promiscuous in our 30s and beyond.
This shift is attributed to a trend of “extended adolescence,” where milestones like marriage and parenthood are happening later in life. A combination of factors, including a more health-conscious younger generation, economic uncertainty (particularly the inability to buy homes and start families), and a low tolerance for risk, means many of us are waiting longer to settle down.
The report suggests that instead of “frantic coupling” and partnering in our youth, we’re likely to experience more partners later in life as we gain confidence and grow into ourselves. This could happen in our late 20s and early 30s as we search for long-term partners or even older, after previous relationships end.
We’ll have less sex with our current partners
Thanks to never-ending distractions, work, and finding time to relax, the report states that sex with our partners might be getting pushed down our priority list. However, there’s a potential upside: this could lead us to value sex more when it does happen.
Mashable After Dark
That said, staff sexologist at sex toy shop Good Vibes, Carol Queen, Ph.D., points out that this positive outcome is only possible if we are emotionally healthy and prioritize consent within our relationships.
“Some researchers think that social media impairs the kinds of emotional states and skills needed to make Cheesewright’s POV a solid prediction, while others do not. If nothing else, it’s pretty clear that some people conduct a lot of their social lives online now!” Queen tells Mashable. Queen also points out that this isn’t the only factor that impacts how much sex we have and how much we value it; different people have different values, and likely will in the future too.
“To me this prediction is so full of caveats: the dangers that sex can bring, the frequency with which some people find sex to be just meh, and the fraught ways sex and emotional intimacy can be tangled up. And I may see those things from quite a different angle given my AFAB [assigned female at birth] history too,” she continues.
We’ll have more virtual sex
Instead of the oh-so-cliché nurse or fireman roleplay, the report predicts that as technology advances and integrates into our lives, a “mixed reality” could become the norm. Imagine avatars and artificial intelligence projected directly into our surroundings through smart glasses or lenses, creating a fully immersive experience with limitless possibilities for sexual content (so, aliens and elves).
This level of immersion opens up new and potentially “worrying” possibilities, allowing us to reshape our environments and even our partners. Cheesewright explains, “We can build characters around toys, robots, and AIs. There will be a lot of temptation.”
We’ll continue to make friends with inanimate objects
Although the report doesn’t predict that robots will gain consciousness (page eight), they may be able to provide a convincing imitation of life. However, this raises ethical concerns about relationships with robots, as it risks reducing one to an “object” rather than an equal partner.
“The benefits are obvious,” sex and intimacy coach Leah Carey tells Mashable. “Soothing touch hunger, giving people an outlet for both connection and sexual appetite…” But Carey also acknowledges complications, such as, “Does having an always-willing partner impair people’s ability to negotiate consent?”
Carey also notes that while robots could allow people to explore kinks that might otherwise be inaccessible, the power dynamics in such scenarios become inherently imbalanced.
Beyond these ethical concerns, relationships with robots could also create (and encourage) unrealistic expectations. With customizable body shapes and appearances, robots might reinforce harmful ideals about human partners and allow people to act out “dangerously extreme fantasies,” potentially necessitating regulation.
“The ability to construct your partner’s perfect physique could reinforce cultural beauty standards to an extreme degree, but there’s another possibility that concerns me more: removing options for fat people,” Carey says. “In my work, I encounter a lot of people who prefer people in fat bodies, or who are agnostic about body size. But it’s so stigmatized in culture, it’s not unusual for them to have a fuck-buddy on the side who is large, while publicly dating people in more conventionally acceptable bodies in public,” she adds.
“If the desire for a larger body can be filled by a life-like robot, those people get pushed even further out to the fringes. To be clear,” Carey clarifies, “the fuck-buddy-in-the-dark phenomenon is hugely problematic on its own; this would just make it even worse.”
Sex toys will evolve
It’s not just robots; the report envisions sex toys that feel and move more naturally, respond to virtual fantasies, and become more integrated into partnered sex. As it is, people are already using bluetooth sex toys to mimic real-life sensations in VR.
“Our understanding of the smallest molecules of matter is allowing us to create new materials with incredible properties — not just look and feel, but an ability to move, change shape, and store energy,” Cheesewright writes. “This creates endless possibilities for future sex toys that take advantage of our growing understanding of human pleasure.”
The report also predicts that more people will embrace “unselfish” sexual behavior, overcoming any insecurities about using toys in the bedroom. However, Carey says this is entirely dependent on whether or not our culture can come to terms with the fact that sex education needs to not only exist but be far more comprehensive than it currently is.
“If we want to decouple the idea that a toy isn’t needed if you have an excellent lover, we need people to understand a lot of basics that many people don’t currently have: how to ask for what they want in the bedroom; how to truly understand your partner’s turn-ons; understanding the difference between giving touch and receiving touch and the purposes for both, etc.”
There’s a lot this report covers, but it’s missing a few important details
LELO’s report is undoubtedly extensive, but this subject is so much more nuanced and complex. There are pieces missing or glossed over that are worth digging into, mainly:
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Reproductive rights: “I was surprised to see no mention of reproductive rights, abortion access, etc. since Roe v. Wade was struck down in 2022, and the fallout has been devastating for people with uteruses in the [U.S.],” Kate Sloan, sex journalist, author of 101 Kinkly Things, and host of the podcast miniseries Making Magic, tells Mashable. “Again, if there isn’t sufficient pushback against and reversal of these legal changes in the coming years, life will continue to get much more dangerous and unsettling for anyone who’s capable of getting pregnant.” Sloan also mentions that if we’re seeing women having less sex than before, it may very well be a result of having our reproductive rights taken away from us.
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The LGBTQ community: Sloan points out that the report entirely overlooks LGBTQ rights and identities. “More and more people are coming out as queer and trans over the years, as the general public learns more about what it means to be queer or trans,” she says. “That being said, more visibility has not translated to more rights or more protections, and queer and trans people still face discrimination and exclusion every day…This will affect the future of sexuality insofar as unless we are all able to lead the sex lives we want, none of us are really free.”
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Sex workers and sexual education: The report also fails to address the continued criminalization and stigmatization of sex work, which has far-reaching consequences on sexual rights and well-being. “I was surprised to see no mention in the report of laws like SESTA/FOSTA that have harmed and targeted sex workers, the porn industry, etc., as these puritanical laws have already affected our sexual culture massively and will continue to do so,” Sloan adds. “If there isn’t sufficient pushback and reversal of these laws in the coming years, working and living conditions will get even more precarious for sex workers — and anyone who enjoys porn, sex education content, informational kink resources, and so on will have less information and entertainment available to them as a result. It will be a less safe, less free, and less sexually-expressive world.”
