It’s spooky season again and everyone’s getting ready for costumes and trick-or-treating! What better way to ramp up the excitement than with a few laughs? This list of our favorite Halloween jokes for kids will have you howling.
1. How can you tell a vampire has a cold?
He starts coffin.
2. Who do monsters buy cookies from?
Ghoul scouts.
3. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch.
4. Why didn’t the skeletons cross the road?
They had no guts.
5. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle her funnybone.
6. Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
7. What has hundreds of ears but can’t hear a thing?
A cornfield!
8. What do birds say on Halloween?
Trick or tweet!
9. Why did the skeleton stay home from the dance?
She had no body to go with.
10. What salutation does a vampire use to start a letter?
Tomb it may concern …
11. What’s a witch’s favorite school subject?
Spelling.
12. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
13. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
14. Why was there no food at the end of the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
15. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
16. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I-scream.
17. What is Dracula’s favorite ice-cream flavor?
Vein-illa.
18. What is a ghost’s favorite food?
Spook-ghetti.
19. What is a zombie’s favorite thing to eat?
Brain food.
20. Where does Dracula keep his money?
At the blood bank.
21. How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
22. What kind of tests do vampires give their students?
Blood tests.
23. What boats do vampires travel in?
Blood vessels.
24. What do witches order at a hotel?
Broom service.
25. What do skeletons say before eating?
Bone appetite!
26. Why don’t mummies take vacations?
They’re afraid to relax and unwind.
27. Why do ghosts like to go to parties?
Because they have a lot of spirit.
28. What is white, black, and dead all over?
A zombie trick-or-treating in a tuxedo.
29. Why was the ghost afraid of the storm?
It had too much thunder and fright-ning.
30. What room does a ghost not need?
A living room.
31. Why don’t witches ride their brooms when they’re angry?
They’re afraid of flying off the handle.
32. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
Frostbite.
33. Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night?
He was chillin’ to the bone.
34. How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
35. What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Sham-boo.
36. Why did the zombie go to school?
He wanted to improve his deaducation.
37. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
38. Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
39. What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
40. Why did the witch go to the doctor?
Because she had a broomstick in her throat.
41. What’s a monster’s favorite game?
Swallow the leader.
42. Why did the vampire flunk art class?
He could only draw blood.
43. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A sourpuss.
44. Why didn’t the mom let the little witch go trick-or-treating with her friends?
She was ex-spelled from school.
45. Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid?
It had no guts.
46. Why don’t zombies eat fast food?
Because they can’t catch it.
47. Why did the ghost break up with the ghoul?
He felt she was too possessive.
48. Why did the ghost go to the party?
Because it was boo-ling night.
49. Why don’t mummies play baseball?
They’re afraid they’ll get wrapped up in the game.
50. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
51. Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body to love.
52. What does a ghost say when it sneezes?
Boo!
53. What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo-boos.
54. Why don’t ghosts like rain?
It dampens their spirits.
55. How do ghosts do their makeup before they go out trick-or-treating?
They use vanishing cream.
56. What’s a witch’s favorite makeup?
Mas-scare-a.
57. How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessel.
58. Why don’t skeletons dance at parties?
They have no body to dance with.
59. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
“Look at the board and I’ll go through it again!”
60. Why are mummies good at keeping secrets?
Because they can keep things under wraps.
61. How did the zombie become great at trick-or-treating?
Dead-ication.
62. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
63. What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin.
64. What kind of car does Frankenstein drive on Halloween night?
A monster truck.
65. What’s a vampire’s least favorite food?
Stakes.
66. How does a witch style her hair?
With scare-spray.
67. Why don’t vampires have more friends?
Because they’re a pain in the neck.
68. What did the skeleton say when he rode his motorcycle?
“I’m bone to be wild!”
69. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A bloodhound.
70. Why did the ghost refuse to go into the haunted house?
He was scared stiff.
71. What’s a witch’s favorite snack?
Bewitched crackers.
72. Why did the mummy go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling a bit under-wrapped.
73. What do you get when you cross a witch and a sandcastle?
A sand-witch.
74. Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
Because biting people was a pain in the neck.
75. What’s a ghost’s favorite street?
A dead end.
76. What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Count Spatula.
77. How do ghosts keep fit?
By exorcising regularly.
78. What’s a vampire’s favorite candy?
Suckers.
79. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get a spare rib.
80. What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
Broom-mates.
81. What’s a ghost’s favorite game?
Hide-and-shriek.
82. What do you get when you cross a ghost with a bee?
A boo-bee.
83. Why do mummies make terrible friends?
Because they’re wrapped up in themselves.
84. How do skeletons send letters?
Through the bony express.
85. Why was the mummy so tense?
He was all wound up.
86. Who gives Dracula the most candy on Halloween?
His fang-club.
87. What do witches put on their hair?
Scare conditioner.
88. Who does a werewolf go trick-or-treating with?
His cousins Whatwolf and Whenwolf.
89. What do you call a monster who likes to dance?
The boogie man.
90. What did one ghost say to the other?
“Do you believe in people?”
91. What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the amusement park?
The roller-ghoster.
92. Why did the zombie stay home from school?
He felt rotten.
93. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Hex-ercise.
94. What do vampires use in the kitchen?
Fang-cy utensils.
95. Why did the haunted house apply for a job?
It wanted to start earning a ghostly income.
96. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
97. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests.
98. Why did the ghost bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
99. What did the witch say when her broom broke?
“Witch way to the repair shop?”
100. Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
He wanted a light snack.
101. Why don’t ghosts eat candy?
They don’t have the stomach for it.
102. What kind of key opens a haunted house?
A spoo-key.
103. Why do vampires like baseball?
Because they love bats.
104. What’s a ghost’s favorite pie?
Boo-berry.
105. What did one haunted house say to the other?
“I’ve got a lot of ghost stories to tell!”
106. Where do ghosts buy their Halloween candy?
At the ghost-ery store.
107. What do witches use to cook their dinner?
A cauldron, of course!
108. How does a vampire like his food served?
Bite-sized.
109. What do you call a monster who loves to play tricks?
Prankenstein.
110. Why did the mummy get promoted?
He’s always wrapped up in his work.
111. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit?
Boo-nanas!
112. Why do skeletons make bad chefs?
They always leave the ribs in.
113. What’s a witch’s favorite ride at the amusement park?
The scary-go-round.
114. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
115. Why don’t mummies take naps?
They’re afraid they’ll sleep for centuries.
116. What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
117. Why did the ghost quit studying?
Because he was too ghoul for school.
118. What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
Lazy bones.
119. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash.
120. What Halloween candy is never on time for a party?
Choco-LATE!
121. What kind of monster loves to disco?
A boogie man.
122. Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Because he had bat breath.
123. What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-ick.
124. Why don’t mummies play hide-and-seek?
Because they’re always found unwrapped.
125. What did one bat say to the other?
“You’re fang-tastic!”
126. Why don’t zombies eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
127. Why don’t skeletons watch scary movies?
They don’t have the nerves for it.
128. Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which.
129. What’s a ghost’s favorite nursery rhyme?
“Little Boo Peep.”
130. What kind of monster is best at math?
Count Dracula.
131. What did the witch say to the goblin?
“I’m goblin up this candy!”
132. What does a little witch use to bake?
An Easy Bake Coven.
133. Where does a vampire eat his lunch?
In the casketeria.
134. Why do zombies make good DJs?
They have great taste in beats.
135. Why did the vampire go to art school?
He wanted to learn how to draw blood.
136. What’s a ghost’s favorite color?
Boo-lue.
137. What kind of music do ghosts love?
Soul music.
138. Why did the ghost become a comedian?
He was dying to make people laugh.
139. What do you call an older monster who doesn’t like jokes?
A groan-up.
140. Why was the zombie a great DJ?
He had a good ear for music.
141. What did one skeleton say to the other on a cold night?
“Bone-chilling, isn’t it?”
142. Why don’t skeletons play music in church?
They have no organs.
143. What is a skeleton’s favorite snack?
A cinnabone.
144. Why do skeletons always stay calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
145. What does a ghost do to stay safe in a car?
It puts on its sheet belt.
146. What’s a witch’s favorite drink?
Fresh-BREWED coffee.
147. Why don’t vampires like garlic?
It’s too strong for their taste.
148. Why did the skeleton go to school?
To bone up on his studies.
149. Why are ghosts so bad at running?
They’re always dead on their feet.
150. Why did the vampire join the orchestra?
He wanted to play his fang-tastic music.
151. What do you get when you cross a ghost with a dog?
A terrier-fying pet.
152. Why don’t mummies tell secrets?
Because they’ll just unravel.
153. What is a zombie’s favorite kind of bean?
A human bean.
154. What’s a zombie’s favorite cereal?
Rice Creepies.
155. Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
It raises their spirits.
156. What’s a ghost’s favorite exercise?
Dead lifts.
157. Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To go to the body shop.
158. What’s a witch’s favorite way to stay fit?
Hex-ercise.
159. What do you get when you cross a skeleton with a tree?
A spooky spruce.
160. Why are vampires like false teeth?
They both come out at night.
161. What’s a werewolf’s favorite holiday?
Howl-oween.
162. What did the ghost say to the skeleton?
“I’m dying to meet you!”
163. What does a vampire fear the most?
Tooth decay.
164. Why did the witch go to school?
To learn how to spell.
165. How do you spell candy with only two letters?
C and Y.
166. Why did the mummy get kicked out of school?
He couldn’t keep his wrap shut.
167. What do you call a ghost that’s always tired?
Dead on its feet.
168. What’s a zombie’s favorite game?
Dead or Alive.
169. What do you call a ghost who loves to cook?
A dead chef.
170. Why do vampires make terrible employees?
They only want to work the graveyard shift.
171. Why did the skeleton go skydiving?
Because he wanted to feel the wind in his bones.
172. What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
173. What’s a ghost’s favorite place to swim?
Lake Eerie.
174. Why did the monster bring a flashlight to the graveyard?
To light up his life.
175. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of weather?
Drac and stormy.
176. What’s a mummy’s favorite food?
Wraps.
177. Why do skeletons hate winter?
It gives them the shivers.
178. Why did the skeleton join the marching band?
Because he had drumsticks.
179. What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A hoblin’ goblin.
180. Why did the vampire get kicked out of the Halloween party?
He was caught necking.
181. What do you call a skeleton who won’t stop singing?
A dead crooner.
182. What’s a ghost’s favorite part of the newspaper?
The horror-scope.
183. Why did the mummy go to therapy?
He had too many issues to wrap up.
184. What’s a witch’s favorite candy?
Witchamacallits.
185. Why did the werewolf break up with his girlfriend?
She was driving him batty.
186. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
187. What’s a ghost’s favorite band?
The Rolling Bones.
188. What do you call a skeleton who tells cheesy jokes?
A punny bone.
189. What’s a witch’s favorite snack?
Hex-Mix.
190. Why did the witch switch to electric brooms?
She wanted to go green.
191. What do you call a zombie who writes music?
A decomposer.
192. Why don’t skeletons use cell phones?
They have no body to talk to.
193. What’s a vampire’s favorite hobby?
Fang collecting.
194. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Potionomics.
195. Why did the vampire take up gardening?
He wanted to grow his own stake.
196. What do you call a skeleton who loves to garden?
A bone-afide green thumb.
197. What’s a mummy’s favorite dessert?
Anything wrapped in chocolate.
198. What’s a skeleton’s favorite board game?
Tibial Pursuit.
199. Why did the mummy become a detective?
He was great at unraveling mysteries.
200. What’s a ghost’s favorite kind of tree?
A ceme-tree.
